Forgiveness has been on my mind as of late.
On occasion, we all must reach into a dusty corner to find forgiveness, especially these days. We are all holding onto a pandora's box filled with experiences we have had to bury so we can just keep going. And we are good at just keeping on keeping on. We are good at pretending we are okay, that we are strong.
But when it all becomes too much, or when the lid of that box opens to invite another raw bit in, we sometimes get caught doing inventory.
We reflect on what wrongs we have committed and what wrongs have been committed to us and we try to find something that we can forgive. Something that we can remove from the heavy box we are carrying around.
Yet, forgiveness is really hard to commit to. And more often than not, forgiveness is just not there. Forgiveness isn’t something you can just think and therefore it is so.
And sometimes your emotional burdens are unforgivable and will forever be so. There is no amount of time that will help you forgive, no matter what you have become because of it, and no amount of strength, tenacity, or meditation can make it go away.
Sitting with the idea that emotional burdens will always be there, is really where the big juicy work actually begins. Admitting you cannot forgive, means you have stopped trying to shame yourself into believing you are above it, that you are ok.
It means you can acknowledge that you will always hold some anger, resentment, or guilt. It means that you have given yourself permission to hold onto some of those feelings and that you are justified in feeling them. You have begun your journey with resolution.
Resolution is healing when forgiveness cannot be found.
Resolution is accepting all of your feelings
Resolution is forgiving yourself for not forgiving